UNPLANNED

Somehow it is funny how after 3 years, both of us appear to be still wearing the same shirts when we went out yesterday night for Twilight Saga : Breaking Dawn II

Me wearing the green shirt he gave me for my 17th birthday, and him wearing a jersey-typed shirt... It will be sweet if we were still together... IF... and only IF...

Lately thinking a lot about him... can't help, memories keep flowing in like faulty pipes... so are my tears...

I'm glad he carried on with his life, liking girls and all... though was a bit heavy-hearted leaving KL this time (cos i know once i'm back to kuching, everything will return to be like how it used to be for the last 2 years, with me and him not sms-ing each other, with own circles of friends), but who knows... GOD has other plans for us...

TAKE CARE of yourself, may GOD bless you with good health & good life...

IMY... ILY...

S.E.S.A.L

Manusia suka menyesal... 

masa ada something tu, mereka take for granted... apabila dah takde, barulah terhegeh-hegeh nak cari balik...

sedari lah betapa ayat2 mu ketika itu membuatku berendam air mata... betapa dalam parut itu...

i'm happy with my life now... thinking about few people i sort of ignored for few months : rafik, farid, salihin, mathew, raddy, ain, hajar...

maaf, mei2 terhidup dlm dunia sendiri seketika... huhuhu :((

Playground

If we are happy everyday and all the time, then that is not life...
life has its ups and downs... happy and sad...
that's God's way of teaching human, so that they will learn to be responsible, mature and grow


and again... i've learnt something new this time
it doesnt last forever like i wished, in fact few more months to one year
but i did learn something new here although me and him never declare having a serious relationship


it's just another illusion, another fairy tale story... 
love...
as pure as it is, as sweet as it is...
fails


i'll not find someone better
because i'll stop searching for it...
and i'll stop hoping in it :))

Kisah Sosej Rebus

Dulu time jadi JPK, saya ngan ammar, mathew, rafik, syakir... slalu je rebus sosej malam2 kat JPK A pastu makan ngan sos cili...


bkan je makan sosej... tpi karok, study sama2... uno same...


tapi lepas dah x jadi jpk, mmg dah x lepak... sosej pun dah x makan, apatah lagi maggi & telur dadar masakan syakir... =P


dan hari tu... 15 Jun... berpeluang makan sosej rebus skali lagi!!!


untung lah.. si Ammar merajuk aritu... so drive kereta membawa diri ke DI, then beli lah air & sosej... 


KLMJ... kenangan lama mengusik jiwa... bnyk yg diborak dgn ammar... tpi xde yang heavy2... 


sebab ammar masih spt yg sy kenal dia... dia suka pendam... kalau ada pape, dia simpan sorang2 x bgtau... unless dia nak bgtau, klau x mmg jgn harap awak nk tau...


don't worry ammar... i know you can... :)

My Love...

pernah tak kamu ada seorang kawan berlainan jantina yang sangat2 rapat?


saya pernah...


dia coursemate pertama yang saya kenal di unimas... 
teringat 1st time jumpa dia, 1st day of class after MAP...
masing2 berebut nak naik bas pergi faculty...
dia lah yang di depan saya...
dia lah yang saya marah "ish! lelaki tak gentleman betul!"
tapi marah tu bukan marah yang marah, tapi marah yang gurau...


and then, we got into the same course...
i met him again at faculty's office...
again, we were lining up to collect something...
he was, again, right in front of me...
and again, i told him "ish! awak lagi ke? lelaki yang tak gentleman!"


day after day... 
we got closer...
same group for course orientation...
only 4 members, 4 of us...
and our bond got stronger and stronger, with only me and him the crazy and energetic ones in group...


we joined senamtari together...
we were in the same choir competition for our college...
we were active together...


and till one day...
we were both sitting at faculty's lobby...
and he told me this :
"mei2... mei2 tahu tak... tak tau kenapa saya rasa mcm sgt rapat & sgt selesa dgn mei2... mei2 satu2 nya kwn perempuan yg ammar blh rapat tanpa rasa apa2 perasaan sayang..."


and i said :
"samalah... biasanya klau sy rapat dgn mana2 lelaki, sy akn suka lelaki tu... tapi dgn ammar x pernah..."


there were times when we had cold wars, when we quarreled...
such a way that friends around us pun pening, kita ni gaduh lagi ke? sebab apa?
atas sebab2 yang tak diketahui...
pernah sekali dia rapat dgn nunu, saya tak ckp dgn dia...
he told me i'm the 1st person he told this secret to, and he didn't know how he should start the conversation...
time tu i felt that i did not belong to his world anymore...
so i began to drift away from him, i choose to stay away from him...
sebab takut nunu marah, nunu jealous...


dan dia...
sms & fb chat dgn saya...
sampai menangis...
dan pada masa yang sama...
i was crying too...


we went through alot together...
from friends to jpks...
and till now, when i am a jpk and he is no longer a jpk...
things started to turn awry again...


i told myself i am going to fix things right... 
before i graduate...
but everything is too late...


his mom passed away that day...
and i felt so useless for not being in talking terms with him...
maybe if i am still in talking terms with him, he might tell me and let everything out...
i know it is not easy for him to bear this loss, cause he is close to his late mom...
i felt so useless that we were in so bad terms that he no longer reply my msg & answer my call...
the feeling is so bad that i keep blaming myself for being so busy with no time for him...


wish he knows how much he meant to me...

Kisah Hati...

- ada sms bintang aritu...
- katanya, dia teruk, saya tak perlukan kwn spt dia...
- dia minta maaf sbb buat silap kat sy, dia ckp dilap dia tu je yg dia tak nak sy tau sbnrnya...
- lastly, dia kata saya tak perlukan bintang utk terangi mlm lgi...


kepada bintang...
- saya tak harapkan kamu jadi bintang yang menerangi malam saya, cukuplah sekadar bintang yang menyerikan lagi hari-hari gelap saya...
- saya tahu kamu letih bersinar sepanjang masa, so berehatlah kamu....
- tak siapa yang sempurna di dunia ini... tapi yang penting, kita tahu dan sedar... kita insaf, kita akui kesilapan...
- jangan disebabkan satu kesilapan kecil kita terdahulu, kita memilih untuk rasa malu dan bersalah...
- cuma kamu yang bernasib malang sebab kesilapan kamu didedahkan... 
- takde apa utk dimalukan... percayalah...
- kamu masih adalah si bintang dalam hati saya...
- kamu masih mampu menerangi hidup saya, menerangi hari-hari gelap saya...
- percayalah... :)

Hati dan Akal...

Pernah satu ketika, saya lepaskan bintang saya...
pernah satu ketika, saya katakan itu satelit semata...
pernah satu ketika...
saya ingin lupakan bintang terus...


tapi saya sedar...
hati dan akal berbeza...
akal mengatakan semua tu...
hati mengatakan "dia bintang saya... dia penting dalam hidup saya..."


my birthday wish was to see him smile at me once again...
but it was not realized...


bintang saya jatuh tadi...
dia terluka... dalam... sampai nampak daging/tulang...
hati ini sakit... sangat sakit....
risau... sangat risau...
macam-macam mula menerjah otak...
akhirnya ternangis...


walau apapun yang berlaku, dia tetap penting dalam hidup saya...
itu sesuatu yang saya tak dapat nafikan...
bintang atau tidak, dia tetap penting untuk diri ini...

Kepenatan...

Kepenatan itu adalah apabila...
awak rasa awak seorang sahaja yang melakukan kerja...
awak dah ingatkan berkali-kali untuk minta list penggerai dari mantan, dah ingatkan berkali-kali tanya pasal no tel KFC PizzaHUT Proton etc, tpi tak panggil...
awak dah ingatkan berkali-kali pergi Satok dapatkan penggerai tapi tak pergi...
awak mengutamakan kebajikan semua, dan boss awak hanya mengutamakan kebajikan anak-anak buah bawah program anjuran dia...
awak tengah pening fikirkan event besar kolej, boss awak sibuk kacau awak tentang event dia yang lepas


saya penat....
saya pun ada FYP yang kena siapkan...
saya pun ada kerja yang perlu dibuat...
saya pun ada event bawah saya...


tolonglah independent.... tolonglah.... :'(

Emotional Break Down...

i'm near to emotional breakdown...


sampai bila saya harus bersabar dan berdiam diri...


i'm tired with all the complotting, backstabbings, etc etc... :(((

Bawa Bintangku Pergi...

kalau betul dia bintang saya, dia takkan sampai hati berbuat macam tu...


betul jugak apa yang zamy cakap... kalau nak jadi bintang sekadar cakap tapi nak layan saya macam ni, baik takyah bintang...


kepada bintang,
terima kasih kerana pernah berkata nak jadi bintang saya...
walaupun tak lama, tapi sekurang-kurangnya pernah terlintas dalam fikiran awak utk menjadi bintang saya...
beban hati ni nak teruskan mengharapkan awak utk menyinar hidup saya yang memang selalu kelam...
pernah saya harapkan awak betul2 boleh jadi sahabat yang baik di sisi saya sampai bila-bila...
tapi mungkin itulah yang mereka katakan sebagai takdir, apbila tiada jodoh, maka buat apa pun tak guna... tunggu berapa lama pun tak guna...


pergi lah bintang...
maaf banyak menyusahkan awak...
maaf banyak membuat awak sedih...
maaf dan maaf... selain maaf terus maaf...
maaf tak menjaga sinarmu dengan baik...


jadilah bintang yang menyinar hidup orang lain pulak k... =)




teringat ayat pertama yang keluar selepas terima msg dari dia untuk menjadi bintang saya
"awak baca blog saya ke???"
nasib baik dia takde blog saya... kalau tak mmg kantoi habis2... =P


"Sy harap sy blh jd bintang dlm hidup awak. wlpun chy x seterang bulan (zamy :P). tp tetap ada. kdg2 xdapat dilihat dilindung awan tapi semua tau dan percaya y bntang tu sntiasa ada"
-5 Januari 2012, 11.38pm-

awk terlmpu tggu bintg awk tuu untk bersinar skli lgi

n terlampau bimbg

klu die btul bintg awk sperti awk angp slama ini..

die x akn wat cm tu

usahlah tunggu lagi... kalau benar dia bintang awak, dia takkan buat macam tu... :'(

Pergilah Wahai Bintang...

aritu... disebabkan sesuatu yang dilakukan oleh orang lain, saya terasa hati dengan bintang saya... sampai lah saya tak reply msg dari dia...


petang tadi terserempak dengan dia kat office kolej... saya tak marah dia lagi, tapi saya tak tau macam mana nak berdepan dengan dia... so dengan muka kelat dan tak dapat senyum, saya terpandang muka dia...


malam tadi, bintang sms... dia tanya kenapa saya perlu tarik muka masam dengan dia demi kes tempoh hari... bintang kata dia tak paham, pelik.... sms yang berbaur marah...


saya reply, kata saya memang pelik... kadang kala saya sendiri tak paham sendiri... pastu bintang tak balas msg... sampailah saya sms tanya bintang kat mana pun, dia tak reply... 


balik dari kafe nak pergi meeting, terserempak dengan bintang kat kafe... so saya pandang, ingat nak senyum... tapi ternampak muka masam bintang saya... pastu saya tegur "pandang pun tak nak pandang saya"... dan brlalu pergi...


tak lama lepas tu, saya sms bintang... bagitau sudah2 lah kita menarik muka masam... dia tak reply...


perasaan tidak dipedulikan oleh bintang... alangkah sakit... =(


cuba lah komen kat status bintang... tapi bintang anggap komen saya tu tak wujud... sedih! ='(


akhirnya saya sms bintang meminta maaf... dan msg yang saya dapat, cumalah...


"k.nite"


wahai bintang ku... 
maaf andai saya salah... 


bintang...
pergilah dikau dari hidupku...
andaikata kehadiranku membuat hidupmu dipenuhi kesedihan...
maaf, ku tak layak memilikimu di sisiku...


terima kasih atas sinarmu...

Sinar...

lama tak update blog... =P


just nak bgtau... aritu ade bintang chat ngan sy...
dia tanya sy marah ke ngan dia, sbb dia rasa mcm kita dah makin menjauh...
memang pun, i felt the same...
so cakap punya cakap... dah ok lah harap2...


petang tadi, bintang kongsi masalah dia...
rasa bertuah gila! sebab selama ni dia tak pernah nak kongsi ngan saya... hohoho
pastu mlm, dia delivery nasi ayam penyet & cucur dari bazar allamanda...
terima kasih...


awak bersinar kembali jua akhirnya... ^^

Rilek Ar...

- lepas keluar dgn gang coursemate, the next day keluar dgn gang aja & ain
- lama betul tak keluar dgn mrk, akhirnya keluar lah jgk...
- sronok... ada masa yang terdiam sbb rasa cam tak tau nak ckp apa...
- tapi makan tomyam warung... sronok! ^^


- lepas keluar 2 hari, rasa cam dah relax ckit...
- fikiran pun dah lapang, boleh tarik nafas lega...
- fikir2...
- ok lah...
- klau dia nak stick dgn pendirian dia tu, sy ok je
- i just wanna do what i feel is right, what can be done without him
- malas nak harapkan dia lagi...


- i just wanna be happy... for the last semester in my uni life..


DID i made the wrong decision of joining JPK again? 


no... =)))

Tidur di Bilik Mama...

- baru balik outing dengan gang coursemates
- time 2nd year 1st sem pernah gak gaduh besar ngan diorg... gara-gara ada penghasut yang cuba menghasut & merosakkan hubungan kita se-gang yang dahulunya sgt erat...
- tapi sebab misi baru sem ni, nak rapatkan balik jurang-jurang yang jauh...
- kuar karok ngan diorang....
- walaupun dah tak serapat dulu, tapi perasaan gembira tu... maybe more to satisfaction... cos salah satu mission dah accomplished...
- at least kuar jgk dgn diorg wpun dh gaduh, ok lah tu...
- gaduh pun gaduh... dah setahun stgh tak borak/kuar ngan diorg...
- apa pun... memories remain there... bnyk jgk scene apabila tiba2 "eh, ingat tak dulu kita pernah bla bla bla" each time kita jumpa sesuatu yang buat kita teringat balik kenangan silam...
- thank GOD memberikan saya peluang utk merasa kembali bersama mereka, walaupun cuma sepetang... bersyukur... =)


- dulu saya slalu berharap saya akan ada bintang macam aja...
- tapi apabila tiba2 ada yang jadi bintang saya, rasa macam saya ni kebudak-budakkan pulak...
- apa gunanya ada yang mengaku dirinya bintang saya, tapi apabila saya perlukan seseorang, dia tiada di samping...
- apa gunanya ada bintang... apabila dia tak pernah bertanya khabar saya, tak pernah komen status saya, tak pernah call saya, tak pernah nak chat ngan saya...
- apa gunanya ada bulan dan bintang apabila kedua-duanya tak mampu berada di sisi saya apabila saya perlukan mereka...
- rasanya i no longer need them both...
- sebab at the end, saya bergantung harap pada diri sendiri juga... pada Tuhan dan pada yang lain, yang tak pernah ckp nk jadi bulan atau bintang saya...
- penting sgt kah gelaran tu? TIDAK... =)


- mengalami ketensionan yang teramat malam tadi... rasa nak nangis tapi tertahan... akhirnya sms insan-insan tertentu yang boleh saya luahkan perasaan...
- semua dah tidur...
- tapi buat saya sedar...
- ada yang dah tidur, tapi mereka amat ambil berat saya, tahu saya tension...
- ada pulak sekadar cakap "sorry ttido smlm", lalu melupakan saya serta merta...
- tak bertanya khabar, tak ambil berat...
- tiba-tiba saya mula faham... apakah perasaan arwah shachess kerana arwah merasakan tiada yang pedulikannya...
- tiba-tiba saya sedar, saya juga pernah buat sedemikian... kpd arwah...
- tak layak utk sy mengharapkan apa2 dari mereka...
- cuma merasakan, apakah erti janji... janji utk berada di sisi sy mnjd pendengar sy apbl sy perlukan mereka, padahal mrk langsung tak ambil inisiatif untuk tahu...
- itulah manusia... dan janji manis... =)


- merasakan diri begitu tua...
-tibatiba teringat kata-kata ayah...
- "ayah dah tua... so sekarang dah berfikiran terbuka... sebab ayah sedar, umur ayah tak muda lagi... dah tak boleh keras kepala macam dulu... sekarang banyak benda yang ayah dah ubah pandangan, mencuba untuk melihat dengan lebih ringan dan positif"
- bapa borek anak rintik...
- begitu juga saya skrg...
- rasa dh tua, dh penat...
- so bnyk benda dh malas nk peduli...
- just nak buat apa yang termampu... untuk menggembirakan semula hati ini skrg...
- semoga Tuhan mempermudahkan segalanya...

STRESS!!!

- baru post pasal feelings sy dlm fb...
- sbnrnya what i meant by my status is sy x dpt nk jadi mcm si dia, ingat nama semua org, appear good in front of everyone
- as long as i know i'm doing the right thing
- tapi mestikah mrk kaitkan apa yg ikhlas dlm hati sy, dgn si dia?
- knp apa yg ikhlas dlm hati sy perlu merujuk jga sbgai apa yg ada dlm otak dia?
- padahal betul ke dia pun fikir mcm tu?


- sy tension
- kdg kala smpai ke tahap sy nak larikan diri
- saya nak letak jwtn
- sy rasa sy ni pengecut
- sy x dpt hadapi smua tu, sy x pandai hadapi smua tu
- mungkin sy x sebaik dia

2nd week

2nd week class... 

this week dengan rajinnya turun ke kelas tiap-tiap hari...

hari ni pulak dengan rajinnya menjenguk lab...

sedih, pilu, marah, kecewa!!! 

- solutions yg dah prepare sem lepas semua hilang
- volumetric flasks diambil orang
- bench tempat kerja pun diambil 
- peralatan semua pun dah diambil
- macam mana ada mood nak buat lab???
     

Luahan...

memang kadang-kala hidup ini kita merungut...

tapi kita tak sedar, ada orang yang lagi kesian daripada kita...

dalam pada saya bersedih dia bakal meninggalkan saya sementara waktu...

kakak kpd someone very very close to me passed away...

layakkah saya utk bersedih?

layakkah sy menangis?

padahal insan tersebut mampu tertawa dan menghiburkan saya...

Betapa kerdilnya diri ini berbanding si dia yang mampu menahan segalanya...

betapa hinanya diri ini utk merasakan dugaan ini besar padahal ia cuma satu duri yang datang untuk sementara waktu...

bukalah mata & hati ini utk menerima semua seadanya... 

Nervous!

Results day : 31st January 2012


Enjoy Day : 30th January 2012
was already in the car... chatting & laughing loudly with friends... on the way to sing k... when suddenly this friend called me...


"C is fail or not?"
"nope... C- only fail"
"results out alr"
"i thought tomorrow? before i came out i checked, nth also"
"i just checked, out alr"
"owh... ok..."


Mood Spoilt!
was so quiet in the car, friends were alarmed. all the way moody, worried... and then the same friend smsed again


"Z got what results? he seemed moody"


SMS-ed him but he fell sick, after seeing his results
and i become more nervous...


Pei Yin invited me over to her house for feast today
rejected cos worry of results


I'm VERY worried too!!!
but have to stay calm cos i know he needs me... and have to stay calm cos need to comfort that friend of mine...


GRANT me PASS...
not C-, D, E, F or ath that shows FAIL... pleaseeeee.... i promise i'll be a good girl next sem... really good girl... 


Practise telling my dad
if i fail... how to tell him i'll extend one sem... 


the stress is actually from my family, instead of from myself... ahh... =(

That's LIFE

- What is the legal age of self-decision making?
No legal age, unless your parents passed away


- House is always the best place to seek comfort
All of a sudden, it become like a war zone. you never know when the bomb will explode, you never know when your room door will be opened and another scolding will continue...


serenity...
passing my Organic Synthesis & Natural Product Chemistry would be the best consolation at this time...


or else...
i don't know how i could smile again...

Efforts

have you ever face this kind of situation? you know it is close to impossible, but yet, because you believed there is still something called HOPE, you tried and make an effort, trying to make it become possible...


at the end... nobody sees your effort.... nobody even care what you did and how hard you tried... what you got will be just a firm NO


and definitely, it lowered your spirit, makes you feel pointless to continue your effort...


GOD knows best... 

Prioritizing...

something happened at home last night, which makes me feel like running away from home and going back to Sarawak... (normally at the 4th day of CNY i would alr be back at UNIMAS cos sem break will be over at that time)


however, one thing i am sure after yesterday's incident...


NO NEED TO RUSH in LOVE MATTERS


22 years old with just a degree. and already thinking about future? thinking of marriage? STOP IT MEI KIN!


just live each day as it comes... cos we never know when we are going to die... why worry over things which we might not encounter in future? why suffer from that, why be sad with that? who knows we might not even be able to live up till that day...


just let time decides and we just live to the fullest.... =)

All Written in Your Star...

don't know what's wrong with me this year... for all these while i've NEVER went for tilik nasib or those kind of thing... and even if i go to temple, i'll just pray for blessings for my family and my studies... but this year, don't know what's wrong with me...


- prayed for my studies
- prayed for my love
- went tilik nasib (actually not tilik nasib la, just "kao qim")


haha. maybe because he's not here with me this time. cos he'll always be the one saying "haiya, don't waste time tilik nasib. cheat ppl wan. tilik alr if good den u won't work hard, if bad means you'll keep on sad there". and he always say "wei, you pray for yourself and your family can alr ah... pray for health, for studies, for blessings... no need waste time pray love or ask god bless us to be together... cos if fated den it's fated, no need pray wan. most important is urself & family ahh..."


this time, mayb cos i'm going with my friends... i decided to give a try at everything... all that have been forbidden by him, all i did...


and the results?


got a bad tilikan... saying that this year not a smooth year, work hard also hard to get good returns... and... "Jodoh anda belum sampai... All is written in the stars... if it is meant to be, it is... if not, don't force..."


no wonder he had always stopped me from doing all these... cos he knows me so well... know that i'll be unhappy and keep on thinking about it... paranoid... =P


just hope i could grad on time... please......

SMS what?

i wonder what me n him sms all the time... when in the end of the day, it is other people who knows more about what is happening to me, rather than him...


and when i want to tell him stories about happenings around me, it always got stuck somewhere... whether he's busy or i'm busy, ending up we said nothing, he knows nothing...


in fact... mr. star2 knows more about me... 


what's happening? =(

Let It Shine...

"No matter how much star on the sky, thre will one and only one star that will keep on shine on you"

"If one star is stop shining upon u, thre will be other star to watch over u. Open ur eye (heart) to watch the sky and then u will see again the star shine on u like the previous star always, it will watch over u, wishing u keep on smiling, do the best in life coz the star doing the best to shine on u"

messages received from one person last night... bukan bintang saya yang saya cerita aritu... tapi org lain.... 

walaupun english dlm msg tu agak messy, but if u read it twice u'll understand... or at least it is enuf i understand.. ^^

*tiba2 mcm terlebih bintang pulak.... =P

Ketua

Ketua...
- fikir utk anak buah dulu (orang yg bekerja BERSAMA anda)
- fikir utk siapa anda berkhidmat (orang yang memilih kamu)
- fikir utk diri sendiri...


undeniable, relationship with those who elected you are important... but NOTHING is more important than strengthening your relationship with WHO you work WITH, first! cos how can u work for people if you are not doing well with those who work WITH you?


degil, ego dan sewaktu dengannya... 
buanglah jauh-jauh! 


andai kata kamu kata kamu pemimpin 
yang baik, 
yang disegani, 
yang dihormati... 


dahulukan kebajikan orang yang memilih kamu... 
dahulukan apa yang terbaik untuk mereka...
dan bukannya dahulukan ego kamu...
kepentingan diri kamu...
sehingga mengabaikan keperluan orang yang mempercayai kamu...


be someone who others believe who you are!
be someone who they thought you were!
be the leader everyone thought highly of,
everyone loved!


i can't forever be there to remind you and assist you...
and now,
when you no longer wants to listen to what i have to say...
i guess i have no other alternatives to tell you the other side of everything you are thinking...
cos you are too simple-minded to think things two sides...
but who i am now...
when you no longer wants to listen to me




just remember 2 things...


- who elected you
- what is the reason they elect you


may you find the right path soon... 

Bintang ku....

"Sy harap sy blh jd bintang dlm hidup awak. wlpun chy x seterang bulan (zami :p). tp tetap ada. kdg2 xdapat dilihat dilindung awan tapi semua tau dan percaya y bntang tu sntiasa ada"

5 Jan 2012

23.38.36

dulu aja slalu citer pasal bintang dalam hidup dia... bintang yg sms & call dia tiap2 hari, bintang yg sentiasa ada di sisi dia di kala dia perlukan nya... bintang yg akn bg surprise & lagu kat dia di kala dia sedih...

tu lah sebab apabila tiba2 dpt msg kat atas tu (time tu tgh makan kat warung lepas study kat cais...), hati rasa mcm tersentuh sgt3... macam terharu nak nangis... mcm nk sbut nama org tu dan peluk dia sambil nangis... (sangat lah exaggerate)

tapi makin lama, makin lah sedar... yang tak semua bintang sama... sebab keadaan setiap orang tu berlainan, bintang pun berlainan jugak... hihihi

so kpd bintang sy...

*baru dpt sms dari dia kata dah sampai kampung*

take care always k...

mei2 akn cari bintang di langit stiap kali perlukan kamu... ^^

terima kasih kerana menjadi bintang sy... =)

Let It...

i'm not a good girl to be made gf, and i admit that... that's why i do not want to start a relationship... just want to get married (cos of parents' WISH) with anyone, even if i dun love them, so that i will not hurt anyone i love...


and friends are very important to me... before i can make sure that i won't ignore or mengabaikan any of my friends because of the word "LOVE", no way for me to start a relationship... 


that's why i don't really like "quality time for 2 person" so much, cos it lessen my time with friends, and make me feel bad for leaving my friends...


so don't love me... =)

S.I.L.E.N.C.E

aha.... so much that he had done for me, the least i could do was just sit silently beside him when i sensed he's not at all happy...

after all, he doesn't wana tell me what makes him troubled... but i know that there's something... he lost his motivation, his determination... but there's nothing i can do to help...

sitting beside, both listening to own music player, own song lists... seeing him study a bit, and me myself? i finished my progress report! hehe

it's not that bad after all, right? at least i am not wasting any time chatting, nor am i gossiping... just silence, and work DONE! 

wish he'll know that though i cant do ath, but i am always there for him when he's unhappy... =)

exactly like what he did to me... 

ADIOS~!!! ^^

Reflections...

being a love... to show that you love one another...

why must human relate something as beautiful as LOVE with things like SEX, BODY CONTACTS, KISSES, HUGGINGS, etc...?

just a random thought of mine... must it be only with those things that you can prove you love someone? why can't there be a sincere & pure love...?

i've always been dreaming of a pure & sincere relationship/love... one without any "excessive" contacts... 

love can be shown in many ways, but why must we show it through sex, and other irrelevant methods? for i think you'll see real & sincere love when you eliminate those actions from your list of must-do-when-dating...

"love is still loving each other, and maybe even deeper feelings, although there is a distinct distance between the two of you..."

that's why i am keeping my relationship status FREE now, till the day i met that special someone... maybe it is too much of a demand, someone who doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't cheat & ...

love me just like that... even without sex, without extreme body contacts...

that, will be my future husband... ^^

i don't care if i don't love him at 1st... cos i am sure if he is this kind of person, sooner or later i'll fall for him also... hehehehe

ah... simpler said...

"love me, marry me."

and not...

"love me, touch me, dump me..."

* wishing for a love that would last till marriage... ^^ or maybe even better, marry 1st, then we'll date... hehehehe