Perasaan

seriously upset and disappointed with certain people...


few months ago, my college had Perarakan Maulidur Rasul  and won RM 1500 (1st prize). the president asked me to keep the money and to cut short the long story, not wanting to hold the money any longer, i decided to hold a makan-makan ceremony with the money (after discussion with some of them)


some might say that i am very busy body, but i am just doing what i can to help...


the real disappointment is when during the preparation, only a few of us came down... and those who came down are all my close friends... not saying ath negative, but then can think lah right, the ceremony is for them, but they did NOTHING, just come and EAT while the few of us have to do the job. we did not get paid or whatsoever, we are doing it for them, so why cant we just do it together? think about what they called *KENDURI*


anyhow, thanks to those who helped... (can be counted). Najwa, Aja, Mek, Ammar, Farid, and Afham... afham is like a brotherly figure to me, helping me alot eversince i knew him... from making the designs for brc open day program book till helping me hang banners around kuching area for my college open day. he was not involved with the dinner tonight, but he came down to help right after i smsed him. even when i invited him few times to come for the dinner tonight, he refused. that's him 


everything went smoothly, including the last-minute-not-so-perfect celebration for my best friend, nori's bday... HAPPY BIRTHDAY~!!!!


the highlight? hehe. i guess was the sms i received...

Mekar bunga cantik dipandang,

Menjadi idaman setiap jejaka, 

Kepada cik mei mei saya berhutang,

Terasa berat hendak membalasnya.

Damai hati berasa ceria,

Senang dipandang setiap orang,

Terima kasih hanya mampu dikata,

Kepada budi cik mei mei seorang.

talk about happiness of helping people... it comes from the appreciation you felt from people you helped... sometimes a simple thank you will do, though the thank you might not sound sincere at times...

simple things that are felt by heart... 

keikhlasan akan jatuh terus ke hati yang mendengarnya... =)

Experience

assignment siap, niat di hati nak belajar malam tadi... walaupun mengalami simptom tak tidur lebih daripada 24 jam. hehe

niat terbatal apabila lepak-lepak di kafe, ammar datang membawa berita...

"lina kena lagi... nak ikut tgk tak?"

lebih menambahkan kerisauan...

"kak lavi msg tadi... cakap kat rumah dia ada satu lagi kes..."

mesti tertanya-tanya "kena? kena apa?" "kes? kes apa?"

biarlah rahsia...

tapi satu malam dah cukup untuk menambahkan pengetahuan dan pengalaman saya...

benda yang kita tidak boleh lihat dengan mata kasar, benda yang kita pernah dengar tapi tak pernah tengok dengan mata sendiri... benda yang kita tengok di pawagam, tapi terjadi pada kawan kita sendiri...

melihat rakan-rakan yang lain berjuang dan berhabis tenaga menolong, tapi saya hanya mampu melihat dari tepi, tak dapat nak tolong apa-apa...

thank you kepada yang membantu... hanya Tuhan sahaja dapat membalas budi dan jasa kamu semua...

kepada yang lain, gunalah akal dengan baik, fikirlah dengan baik... hidup ini bukan untuk keseronokan... tapi banyak benda lain... jangan terlalu pentingkan keseronokan dan abaikan benda-benda lain...

kepada rakan-rakan yang bertanya "mei kin, kamu dah masuk Islam ke?"

memang sensitif sangat, tapi saya cuma nak bagitahu... semua sharing saya adalah untuk menambahkan ilmu... tak salah belajar ilmu agama lain... belajar tak bermaksud kamu memeluk agama tersebut... life-long learning... banyak iktibar dan pengalaman boleh diambil ketika kita mendalami pasal agama lain... bagi saya, tak salah belajar dan ambil tahu. betul tak? =)

sememangnya setiap agama itu sangat seronok dipelajari... *(n.n)*

Relax for a while... =)

"saya tak cukup baik untuk awak dan saya tak layak suka pada awak... selamat malam... =)"

itulah yang saya reply when tiba-tiba the person that i liked sms and ask me "betul ke kamu suka saya?"

haha. funny, don't know from where he heard such thing... 

tapi, it's time for STUDIES. just finished my last batch of assignments, and hopefully can start studying by tomorrow... 

ever heard that if we force ourselves to stop loving someone, the feeling will grow stronger instead?

so i made up my mind to put LOVE aside, and let the feelings fade away by itself...

for the time being, seeing his sms once a while is more than enough to keep me smiling... =)

sorry for neglecting "you" these few months... less sms, no updates, know you are worry about me... but we're both busy... hmmm....

that's when i always think back "no matter how far i go, no matter how many rounds i've been going, towards the end, it's still HIM who treats me the best, and are always there for me"

Bunga...

Besar nanti, saya nak kahwin dengan seorang lelaki yang pandai menyanyi... Boleh tak? (n.n)

Gone...

"Siapalah kita untuk mengadili orang lain? itu tugas Tuhan!"

who are we to judge someone? human tend to judge people too easily.. by their deeds and by everything that we see... but at the end, does human has the right to judge someone? NO! only God has it...

the recent dismissal of one fren hit me real hard... i owed him too much... we were once very close... we walked together during LO Kursus Induksi, we had fun together and we always lepak together... when i'm free, i used to sms him and asked him to join me for a lepak session at tasik unimas...

BUT... ever since we both became JPKs, everything changes... i no longer paid attention to him... i began to notice aLL  his negatives and forgot all his positives.. i ignored him, i forgot about him... when he tried to talk to me, i walked away... between us are just "hi" and "bye"...

but he still treats me the same... when there are drinks, he took 2 and gave one of it to me... when there are lollipops, he told me about it and asked me to get them before other people finished them...

he cared so much for me and remember me for every single thing yet i did not care about him..

if only i cared more fro him..

if only i asked him what happened...

if only i talked to him...

if only i paid more attention to him...

if only i smsed him....

such tragic incident will not happen...

worst of all... i did not seem to cry like others... till the last day... till the day his body got on the flight... at 6.30pm... i finally let everything out... so tired and exhausted, full of regret...

why didnt i listen to my heart... why didt i sms him... why didnt i call him..

why did i ignore him...........

Bye Bye - Mariah Carey

This is for my people's who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man or your lady
Put your hand way up high, we will never say bye

Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my people's who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me alive
I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes
It's something more than saying, "I miss you"
But when we talked too

All them grown full things separation brings
You never let me know it, you never let it show
Because you loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
I wish I could talk to you for awhile
I wish I could find a way try not to cry
As time goes by

And soon as you reached a better place
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
And I'm bragging next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye

Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye, bye bye

And you never got the chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the teddy bear you gave me that I held so tight
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/m/mariah-carey-lyrics/bye-bye-lyrics.html]
I thought you were so strong that you can make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
I wish I could talk to you for awhile
I wish I could find a way try not to cry
As time goes by

And soon as you reached a better place
Still I'll give the world to see your face
And I'm bragging next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye

Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye, bye bye

This is for my people's who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man or your lady
Put your hand way up high, we will never say bye

Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my people's who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye, bye

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
I wish I could talk to you for awhile
I wish I could find a way try not to cry
As time goes by

And soon as you reached a better place
Still I'll give the world to see your face
And I'm bragging next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye

Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye, bye bye

Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye, bye bye

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