Heart-Broken

i think no other words can describe my feelings better than this bolded word... when you love your friends so much, when whatever you do you never forget them... when you are the one who asked them out 1st...

they can say that they've forgotten me... they can say that i've never crossed their minds... but why do they quote something which is not true? 

"you said you want to study during the weekends, you asked us not to disturb your weekends"

when in fact, what i said was "do not disturb my sunday because i have paper on monday"

that makes me very very heartbroken. stop quoting something which is NOT true, something i've NEVER said before!!! if i said that before, i wouldn't had said i want to go out TONIGHT!!! and you yourself said "you wana go out? i also want to go out. but if you want me to go out, get me from medic faculty"

and in fact, i was the one who asked the other person who go out 1st. he rejected, saying he has no money. and suddenly he was going out. and i am not in the list... (i am NOT blaming him, cos he does not know that i am not following. in fact, he was the one who asked me to get ready to go out)

after EVERYTHING, what the 1st person did was "i ask them whether got empty place anot"

when everytime i go out with ppl he knows, he'll be the 1st in the list i asked. when everytime i go out he crossed my mind. but me? just someone to fill in empty spaces, that is also if AVAILABLE

and then when i was heartbroken, only did they asked the 3rd person to call and ask whether i want to go anot. in fact, there are already 5 ppl in their list. they're just asking to SHOW they SUDDENLY rmb abt me? just as manners? and what if i am going? are they going to kick one person out or are they going to squeeze 6 ppl in 1 kancil?

i've been hurt once... and i do not wish to be so stupid to be hurt twice...

i really thought i've found my best friends... i really thought i could share my things with you all... and i really thought you all are the ones who can make me happy and not cry again...

 

         

Between us, there is only work matters left...

i missed the times when i could... 

lie back to back with you, letting go all my tiredness when doing so...

manja with you... and forget everything that i am unhappy of...

laugh with you, as if there's no problems awaiting me...

feel sweet talking to you, without having any special feelings towards you...

complain anything to you, feeling that i am protected all the time...

lie on your shoulder, and not feel strange when doing so...

ride motorcycle with you, thinking that's the sweetest thing on earth i've ever done with a fren...

sleep at night, and wake up seeing your sms...

feel sad/down, and have you sending me sms caring about me...

be busy the whole day and at the end of the day, receive your sweet sms calling me "syg"

what's left now is just...

unreplied sms, making me think i'm disturbing your life...

unreplied fb chat, making me realize i am not important after all...

silence after silence... feeling weird looking at you as i do not know whether i can still act like i used to last time...

questions flooding my minds, asking what make us become like this...

all that you've sms-ed me before had just gone with the time... no longer significant... sometimes i wonder whether is it because as time passes, your other half become more significant than me and hence, replying my messages had become more and more difficult...

i tried hard to make out what make us become like this... but i still can't find a solid reason... all i know is that maybe it all started the day you did not reply to my sms...

i asked you the reason of you not replying... and you answered "Ntah.. malas lah nak reply"

after that, more and more sms goes unreplied... from normal sms regarding work to sms i sent, wishing you all the best in your exams...

we both had changed... and that's what makes things between us changes as well...

i wished i could turn back time.. seriously missed you... missed your sms... miss your smiles and laughter... missed your love and attention... and miss you calling me "syg"...

will i be able to hear it once again?

when what's left between us now are just formal/work-related matters...

i really really miss you...

          

over the last few days, i came across few incidents that make me smile and ponder for a few moments... incidents which remind me how important smile is to us...

a warm and sincere smile can let people forget your wrongs. 
my fren was giving his speech as a president the other day. he was so nervous in front of the timbalan naib canselor (TNC) that he stopped many times, unable to find suitable words to continue his speech. however, he admitted his mistakes with smiles, saying he was nervous. AH! that was what makes everyone smile, forget his mistakes and appreciate his talk... =)

when a dancer smile, he/she can influence others to smile also
yesterday was ambang merdeka for unimas. watched bayu (badan budaya unimas)'s performance. AWESOME! was so overwhelmed with their ability to dance, and more important, their smiles. to me, their smiles are just so sweeeeeeeetttt that they managed to make the other dancers to smile. not only other dancers, but audience as well... (like me). end up smiling while watching their performance... and because of that, i find their dance marvellous! ^^

when someone is sad, your smile can cheer them up
AH! encountered this so many times... i am really a good cryer (is there even such word???) i can cry for the slightest reason, or out of no reasons. but whenever i cry/sad/unhappy/angry, when i saw someone smile/laugh, i would automatic smile/laugh, unable to get angry/sad anymore. that's why people say "when someone is angry or when someone scolds you, just smile. that will cool them up" =>

hence, no matter where you are, just

SMILE =)

       

2 more days... and i'll be back to KayL....

went to Tabuan Jaya Ramadhan Bazar with few good frens of mine just now... instead of feeling excited going back, i was thinking of something else...

how many more chances boarding a plane do i have?
how long will it take before i have to say bye to unimas forever?
how many more days do i have before graduate?
when will the time come for me to leave sarawak?
what will happen then?
do i really have to leave?

from reluctant to come to sarawak... till reluctant to graduate from sarawak... 

how fat will the chances of meeting up be? pretty thin, i guess...

so it means i have to say goodbye to my frens as well during that time?

how am i going to face my frens like eysmie and rafik?

TEARY OCCASION...

how i wish time could just stop whenever i wish for it to stop...

typical dreaming fantasicing and over-imaginative mei kin... that's ME! =')
  
      

seriously, i love my life now... very much...

seeing my frens smile make me feel calm... everything seems so perfect... except for one...

i miss his sms..... =)
  

biasanya memang susah nak orang lain menghargai apa yang telah kita lakukan...

just saw loads of comment on a photo my fren tagged me in.. telling how bad are the Liaison Officers during Minggu Aluan Pelajar... how bad we organised things... how we did not respect them etc...

but who noticed when the juniors do not respect us? when their parents blamed us for not knowing where each blocks are? they do not know the hidden facts that some of us are from different college than the one we're on duty at. who noticed when the juniors do not listen to us? (thank god i havent encounter things like this at Cempaka College... all the juniors are quite ok)

thats human... often complain about thingst hey do not know and things that they have no experience at. they often thought that those things are as simple as what they seems to be. just like before i became an LO, i have no idea that we need to attend a week of training, need to know informations about this and that, which department to go when we encounter different prob etc...

it's not easy asking us to smile the whole day no matter what happen, rain or shine, hor or cold, happy or sad, scolded or praised... nevertheless, it trains us to be more patient... to be human with higher EQ i supposed? hehe

what's more important is we, the LOs, learnt many things from these... 

human do not magnify good things and say thank you... in fact, they normally exagerate small things and complain...
 

i thought i am strong enough emotionally... 

but i lose... when i am alone in room... when no one is around me... i lose to my own feelings...

i cried after posting this on facebook...

people say "i had many more things to say... i wish i had more time"
but mei kin says "some things are sweeter if left unsaid" >.^

i began missing you already, my fren...