http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=108769705821188

try visiting this link... cos this post is about how i feel after looking at the pictures...

1Malaysia photography contest organised by Taylors University College... theme SATU... i browsed through and there are 5xx photos inside...

Honestly, those photos need improvements...

i dun feel this bad if the photo is BAD and the caption that come with it is BAD as well

but the problem now is that... the photo is BAD, cincai-ly taken but with EXCELLENT captions... captions which makes me say "whoa! meaningful! agree! great! nice one!"

OR!!!! the photos make me gasping "fuiyohhh~~~" but the captions... "haihzzzzz"

that's not all... there are some photos with clearly ALL malays or ALL chinese and they put the theme "1Malaysia" and the caption "we represent 1Malaysia"

that's clear clear CLEAR people who don't understand 1Malaysia!

1Malaysia, for me, means diversity in one (malays chinese indians kadazans dusuns ibans melanaus etc in one country, malaysia) and not one in one (one race in one country). 

look at those pictures and you'll understand why i am so pissed off...

         

I AM BACK AT UNIMAS~~~~

haiya... stupid me loorrrr... see many friends plan to take up intersession (or short sem/third sem) i also semangat berkobar-kobar want take up... mana tau 5 minutes course registration open, already full all subjects... i get to register one also consider lucky lo. but also consider stupid cos ONE subject, TWO credit hour... also want go back take. waste time betul.... itulah meikin... only know follow friends...

at last what happened? all friends gave up on taking intersession... and they are so LUCKY that they haven't bought air tickets!!! and this stupid meikin already bought her tickets, have to go back lo... reli *stupid* (hit her own head)

many plans in her head also cannot be realised cos of this... plans like lepak at tasik every evening lo.... HAIHZ.... LOSER... =( giving up her TWO-month-long holiday... and all her GREAT plans during the holiday... =(((( FEEL WANT CRY ARRR~~~~ LOL =D

initially planned want do MANY things during this holiday de lor... include :

a) go back KB visit my dear students and teachers

b) go Penang

c) go Melaka

d) Langkawi

e) Redang

f) beaches

g) hills

h) relax

i) relax

j) relax

k) relax

in short is after relax still is relax... but stupid me go take intersession just cos of that stupid ONE subject and TWO credit hours... =.=''' (langgar dinding)

well well welllll... passed liao means passed liao... taking means taking, can't change any fact though heart still feel very pain... =(

what makes my heart more pain is the fact that

a)  i miss my mommy

b) i miss my sis

c) i miss my home/family

d) i miss the food at home

e) i miss my friendsssssss.... **seriously seriously miss them... like want to hug them till their bones breaks...**

f) i felt ignored by *someone*

mmm.... IGNORED is not a good feeling you know... when you chat with someone online but that person did not reply your messages, instead they replied OTHERS' messages... when that person called OTHER people instead of you to pass something to YOU

well... eh, obviously i am BIG enough to be noticed, i did not eat GLASS when growing up, and i am right in FRONT of you k... =S 

HENCE, sifu meikin concluded that such people is best left IGNORED cos at least when he/she is ignored, he/she will call you when he/she needs you, instead of you ASKING them whether they need any help

ALRIGHT! ignore them! =) 

 

don't know since when he had become so important in my life... confused... too many things in my mind that i don't have answers... i need peace... i need calmity... i need serenity....

i was already very sad today because the intersession that i planned to take has all been taken... even those that i do not want to talk also had been taken... all subjects full...

then during lunch today... i heard something... and that something is the thing that make me so confused with my own feelings, make me so sad, make me have feelings that i cant even describe with words...

"saya dah tak larat dah dengan chemistry... next sem nak tukar course"

why this sentence hit me like sword... giving an undescribable feelings? 

the feeling that i am gonna lose a fren... i am gona lose someone very close to me...

and i let my imagination wanders...

next sem... i will see him with new coursemates...

next sem... how many times we can meet again?

and when we meet each other, i will become like one of his other frens now... just a hi and smile... then go...

must all my friendships turn that way?

or should i be grateful that this time, it didn't turn ugly.. didn't end up like strangers who don't know each other... just like what happened to me with the previous 2 guy frens...

maybe like what i said before... the meikin theory which never once fail...

meikin's theory said that... meikin can't be close to any guys... once close, things sure will turn ugly... such as quarrel... and at last sure turn out to be total strangers...

and these are not theories without proves... already proven twice...

ya... maybe meikin can't really be friends with guys... sure something will happen... she have no fate with any guys... maybe she should be lesbian instead?

haha.... very funny, meikin...

haihz... let me let go of a BIG sigh... please...

 HAIHZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

god... please... let him stay by my side.... be my closest fren... just let thing freeze at this second... please....

          
        

WEEEEEEEEEEEE~~~~~~~~~~~ 

MEI KIN IS NOW OFFICIALLY 20 YEARS OLD!!!

i repeat myself.....

20 years old!!!!!!!!! TWENTY years old!!!!!!!!!!!

so stop wishing me 21 years old k? LOL~~

but surely i'm not talking abt this in my blog.... so... here's my version...

before this, i hid my birth date from fb profile... the purpose is so that my 'friends' will not celebrate it for me... i don't want to face the situation whereby they celebrate with me for the sake of celebrating... for the sake of "oh... she celebrated our birthday with us... so we also must celebrate with her"

i dun wan the situation whereby i can see their hypocrisy and have to pretend i din see anything... pretend to be surprised and excited they celebrated with me. i dun wan to act and pretend and unhappy during my birthday... at least not on my birthday... any other day will be ok... i still can do it... but during my birthday, i want it to be MY day... happy and do things i LIKE.

unfortunately, what i dread of come true...

one of them called me asking me to go down... with the excuse "So long din see u. come down and let me see you xia" 

1st step already failed. even the way they ask me to go down also i can see their ketidakikhlasan. i know many will criticize me for not being grateful. many will say "teruk lah mei kin. ppl susah payah celebrate with her she like that criticize ppl"

but this is my blog, i am just expressing what i feel here. for me, if there's no sincerity, then don't do it. don't pretend. don't make me and you unhappy. FINISH.

and when i go down... d normal birthday song thing. then candle-blowing session.

got candle but no flame.

pathetic enough. and they were asking me to "pretend as if got flame". ok. i pretended. then? "pretend to blow the cake". ok. i pretended. they laughed happily. after that? "pretend to make wishes". 

i simply said i wished already. sedangkan the fact is i haven't even wish for anything yet.

what makes me so unhappy and what makes me dun wan them to celebrate for me is the fact that i don't know how to react to their "celebration"...

should i...

feel happy eventhough i am not?

feel sad cos of their lack of sincerity?

no matter what i feel, i still have to appreciate what they are doing. this is the part i don't like. honestly, i am a bad actress. i do not know how to act. i show my emotions. i show my feelings on my face. cos why must i appreciate when they are not putting any efforts?

on the other hand, the angel side of me said that at least they celebrated for me. so no matter how unhappy i am, i still have to pretend to be happy and smile and excited, as a symbol of appreciation...

it is hard when your devil side said something and your angel side say something else...

what happen in the end?

i thought of finding a calm place to sit down alone and think back everything rationally. i feel like finding a place alone to cry.

why cry?

cos feeling unsatisfied why i put so much effort on celebrating their birthday but they put NO effort in celebrating my birthday...

i bought lighter to light up the candle... i think and plan of storyline so that my friends will be surprised (yes, they were all surprised on THEIR birthdays. my plans turned out successful most of the time) and they end up REALLY happy that some even say very touched etc etc... i put so much effort on their birthday and yet? this is what i get...

no matter how good i try to be, my dear readers, i am still a human. i have negative side too. so, please let me express my negative side here. if not, where else?

in fact, it is all my other friends with their simple acts that makes my birthday memorable...

a group of malay ladies singing happy birthday song happily, energetically to me right after my birthday... 

Nasya singing birthday song with her sweet and soft voice in lakeview cafe...

Eysmie with his sarcastic remarks of me getting older when i thought he's not going to wish me...

Abang Mathew ajak me eat dinner with him... and tagged me in a photo in fb with a tag that made me cry cos too touch... sometimes cakes doesn't always have to have candles... it will spoil the cake... especially cake like this

simple simple things that doesn't need money... doesn't need planning.... spontaneous acts which come true from their hearts... which i can feel their sincerity...

that's what makes me happy and blessed to live for 20 years....

of course... not forgotten... a looong night walk to clear up my mind and feeling... sitting at the jeti while immersing my legs on the huge and magnificent Tasik Unimas... while looking at the two-more-days-to-full-moon moon.... and chatting with a friend...

that makes up all the kekurangan in my birthday...

a HUGE thank you to ALLLLLLLLLLLLL of them who did all these simple things for me... =)

and i am blessed to have lived for 20 years... i am grateful i am blessed with friends like this... ^^

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY DEARLY BELOVED GAL, MEI KIN.... (n.n)
 
                       

chatted with adrian yesterday... and it was indeed a fruitful chat... cos he make me realize some things... things that i realized earlier but ignored them and put them aside...

i am always involved with these kind of complicated-friendship-problems... 

adrian said it was cos i mind too much about others business... well, he was correct...

i quarrelled with that gang of chinese coursemates cos i minded too much of others' business. i shouldn't pity them... i shouldn't join their group... i shouldn't offer to help do the calculations... no... i shouldn't

i was emo these few days cos i mind too much of other people's business as well... he is sad but why do i need to know so much, so kepoh ask him this and that? if he wana tell, he will tell... if not, i shud just leave him. after all, he's big enuf to handle his own prob, riet?

and... as adrian said... sometimes i have to learn to let go... let go of a broken and unable to mend relationship... let go of bothering other people's own private problem...

and so... i am letting go now...

hopefully no more sad sad, complicated and emo emo posts from meikin already... if got, let it be PURE problems, not 'sendiri cari masalah's' problem..

hence, use this opportunity to announce

I MUST HIBERNATE FOR 2 WEEKS TILL AFTER MY FINAL!!!!

or else jo's gonna get acidic results... and i will be very guilty...

ADIOS~~~~~~ ^^          

My husband is an engineer by profession. I love him for his steady nature and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. 

Two years of courtship and now, five years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings. I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy.

My husband is my complete opposite; his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about LOVE.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

"Why?" he asked, shocked.

"I am tired. There are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seemingly in deep thought. My feeling of disappointment only increased.

Here was a man who was not able to even express his predicament, so what else could I expect from him?

And finally he asked me: "What can I do to change your mind?"

Somebody said it right... It's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.

Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered: "Here is the question.... If you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind."

Let's say; I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death. Will you do it for me?"

He said: "I will give you your answer tomorrow...."

My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....

My dear,
"I would not pick that flower for you, but .... please allow me to explain the reasons further....."

This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

"When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen. I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs. You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.

You love travelling but always lose your way in a new city. I have to save my eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month. I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes. I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails and help to remove those annoying white hairs.

So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand...and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the colour of the glow on your young face...

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die ... "

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting ... and as I continue reading... "Now, that you have finished reading my answer, and if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favourite bread and fresh milk..."

I rushed to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread....

Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone...

That's LIFE, and LOVE.

When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms; even in very small and cheeky forms. It has never been a model. It could be the dullest and most boring form ...

Flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands ... AND THAT'S LIFE

The happiest people in the world... are not those who have no problems, but those who learn to live with things that are less than perfect.

LOVE is not just between two lovers, husband and wife--it also encompasses mother, father and siblings, sisters and brothers, friends and neighbours!

Until I think of you again with the next warm life touching story..