don't know since when he had become so important in my life... confused... too many things in my mind that i don't have answers... i need peace... i need calmity... i need serenity....

i was already very sad today because the intersession that i planned to take has all been taken... even those that i do not want to talk also had been taken... all subjects full...

then during lunch today... i heard something... and that something is the thing that make me so confused with my own feelings, make me so sad, make me have feelings that i cant even describe with words...

"saya dah tak larat dah dengan chemistry... next sem nak tukar course"

why this sentence hit me like sword... giving an undescribable feelings? 

the feeling that i am gonna lose a fren... i am gona lose someone very close to me...

and i let my imagination wanders...

next sem... i will see him with new coursemates...

next sem... how many times we can meet again?

and when we meet each other, i will become like one of his other frens now... just a hi and smile... then go...

must all my friendships turn that way?

or should i be grateful that this time, it didn't turn ugly.. didn't end up like strangers who don't know each other... just like what happened to me with the previous 2 guy frens...

maybe like what i said before... the meikin theory which never once fail...

meikin's theory said that... meikin can't be close to any guys... once close, things sure will turn ugly... such as quarrel... and at last sure turn out to be total strangers...

and these are not theories without proves... already proven twice...

ya... maybe meikin can't really be friends with guys... sure something will happen... she have no fate with any guys... maybe she should be lesbian instead?

haha.... very funny, meikin...

haihz... let me let go of a BIG sigh... please...

 HAIHZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

god... please... let him stay by my side.... be my closest fren... just let thing freeze at this second... please....