I saw him during exam today.... after exam, i purposely waited for him to come out....

He looked so weak... face colour is so dark.... eyes are red.... hair messy.... unshaven face.... not like the guy that i used to know.... the clean, happy, vibrant-looking guy.... a guy whose smile can brighten up my day....

Don't think too much!! he's just my fren.... a fren i love soooo much.... (not romantic love... is frenship love). cos he's the one who guide me back when i faced the crisis last time... now, seeing him like this... makes my heart *so pain*

Yea... so pain... to see a handsome cheerful guy turn this way... it breaks my heart... (though the appearance is caused by him din sleep the whole night cos study, but i guess something else had contributed in one way or another to his appearance)

the whole journey, we did not talk much. in fact, when we met with his other frens, he can joke and laugh happily with them... but when the fren walked away, what's left is just silence... and tense situation...

it is so strange i dun not know how to break the silence. i have alot to say, but i know he is not in the mood to listen. and me saying those things to him will only make him go further away from me. haihx... nevermind.... i just do my part as a fren and accompany beside him without commenting/asking/mengungkitkan those things... if he wants to talk, he'll talk about it...

all i wish is that there won't be anymore unexplained silence between us... it breaks my heart seeing our friendship turn that way...

May God heal him as soon as possible... =)

My friend, i know you can do it... maybe you already done it... already went through the tough period of your life successfully... but please do not treat me that way, k? i've lost enough this sem. i don't want to lost a reliable friend...

Be happy!!!! (n.n)
    

     

i noticed my problems always happen during the study week... before exam... everytime exam, without fail, sure something will happen that makes me unable to focus on my studies... (on a lighter note, mei kin is just giving excuses for not studying =P)

all these while i have been comforting my friend, hoping that he will not think negatively of another friend of mine. (haiya... friend here friend there... so many friends... which friend? make people headache reading your blog only. don't want to read liao lah)

Let's call them A and B. (typical lah... always don't want reveal names. cheh... as if they very popular. cannot tell names meh)

A is my coursemate... a very very very good friend of mine... while B is A's best friend... from same faculty but different course...

Last few days... A has been in very sad state... for a reason that i still don't know up to this day. i tried asking him, but he's just so secretive that i did not managed to get any info from him. actually that day nearly managed to get some info, but when he's about to tell, a common friend's "Haiii" stopped him from doing that... (ish!!! suddenly come out one person. kacau saja)

anyway, after few days of silence and negative posts from A, yesterday he posted something...

Betul kata Mak: kalau berkawan jgn rapat sgt..nanti menyesal kemudian hari. Betul kata uncle: jgn berkawan sgt sebab nanti bila xda pa2 pd diri semua kwn akan hilang. Betul kata seorg teman: d uni xda kwn sejati yg ada hanya kwn asgmnt Sgt betul kata lcterur d matrix:kalau bnci kat org mkna ny msih ada syg pada org itu.....yg terbaik ignore je baru xda perasaan..so aku mmbuat keputusan ignoring certain org~he3

well... if you know mei kin, you know that it breaks her heart instantly...

Actually yesterday i still don't know what makes me so hurt, so sad... don't know what broke my heart... don't know why i cried... i really don't know...

but today, i know why i cried yesterday... (mei kin's brain always slower than others,... so her thoughts also come slower, so do her logics and senses)

i am heart broken cos i sense his heart broken-ness... i sense his sadness... i sense his ke-pasrah-ness... i sensed his hati lara... and so i'm heart broken... (betul ke ni? macam tipu je...)

on the other hands, i lost words to say to the friend B... i don't know how to comfort him... cos i don't even know who A means in his status... maybe the person he meant was not B? who knows riet? i dun wan make any speculation (like those politicians... always like to use this word... speculation)

anyway, GAMBATTE to B!!! i'll always be there for u... =)

   

  

Betul kata Mak: kalau berkawan jgn rapat sgt..nanti menyesal kemudian hari. Betul kata uncle: jgn berkawan sgt sebab nanti bila xda pa2 pd diri semua kwn akan hilang. Betul kata seorg teman: d uni xda kwn sejati yg ada hanya kwn asgmnt Sgt betul kata lcterur d matrix:kalau bnci kat org mkna ny msih ada syg pada org itu.....yg terbaik ignore je baru xda perasaan..so aku mmbuat keputusan ignoring certain org~he3

Every darkness has it’s light..... To bring you through the night.... And everytime it fills the skies so bright... You’ll know where to find me... n_n

 quoted from mie's status this morning... love this phrase so much... =)

there's a gap between me and mie.... a gap unexplainable by words... no matter how close we might be, there is still a gap... an undescribable gap... a gap that does not exist among me and other friends... and among him and his other friends... mmm.... ^^

 hope someone can say such a word to me.... =(

another one..... one more person broke up... this time, my 'brother' since young...


i really don't know how to describe my feelings now... i just know that i am heartbroken... very very heartbroken... 


did i cause all of these?


did i start the curse that make everyone broke up? especially those near to me, those i love, and those i care...


why cant everything just return back to normal... why cant everything and everyone have happy endings? must everything end up sad?


and...


i miss your smile, my friend....


seriously.... i really miss your smile... hopefully you can pass through this tough period of your life and be back the person that i know all these while... =)

WHY BAD THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME????? WHY????????????????????

i need positive things... i need happiness... i need smiles.... not anger, quarrels, shoutings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TIRED TIRED TIRED!!!!!!!!!

that day one of my best friend told another friend of mine

Mei Kin this type of THING i dun wan. leave to you

and i thought i have the right to be angry. right?

but i wasn't angry. to be exact, i was not angry, just *hurt*... *disappointed*... *sad*...

no... no anger...

and then i was telling this to my best friend in fb. normal lah. you sad of course you will find your best friend. of course you want people tam you. especially girls, right?

and there it starts. end up me and that 'watak lelaki utama' (the one who said the sentence that hurts me) quarrel.

HEY!!!!!!!!!!! come on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what i did wrong???????????

even if i AM wrong, i apologized already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and since when you see a victim apologizing?????

why i apologize? cos  when i relate the story to my best friend, i told her by using the name of that guy.

yalah! i know i am wrong... THAT'S WHY I APOLOGIZED!!!!!!!!!!!! even the fact is i am joking. the gal knows i am joking about i-am-angry-with-that-guy and i-dun-wan-to-see-that-guy-again stuff. cos she knows me well... she knows me and him very good fren, sure very fast nth wan

but how come that guy don't know!!!!!!!!! AH~~~~~~~~~~ angry angry angry~~~~~~~ frust frust frust~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and i don't think so i should be expecting any sorries or any conversation with him again....

haihhhhhhhxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

lose one more fren?

and today.... another balloon fly away from my hand.... =(
   

is it my unhappiness and bad luck has passed on to other people? 

or is it i am the first to kena, then followed by my friends... people around me who i loved?

1st, it was me who break up first... i started the chain... and then one by one of my fren broke up with their partner... and the most recent one, which i knew yesterday... involved someone i love so much... why is this happening?

hearing that news, i felt my heart breaking... maybe that person is too close to me, i love her too much... that's why the feeling is so intense. it felt like i broke up once again! -.-'''

but she assured me again and again... that it was her choice... and that's what she want, that's what she is willing to sacrifice for...

finish about love... next... friendship...

after my like-drama-plot friendship saga, i heard people around me facing the same problem as well...

did i start the curse? did i start the chain?

to that someone who i am so worry about these days...

can you please tell me what happen? can you please tell me what's going on, what's bothering you? did i do something wrong or something you are unhappy with?

if you answered "NO" to all of the above questions, i hope that you are not transferring your anger/disappointment on someone to me... cos we are two different person... please don't treat me as if i'm him/her... and please.... don't give me this feeling that you are one balloon that is flying away from my hand....

i really miss the Rafik that i used to know........

when will you be back, my friend?

and this brings me back to the older chapter of my life

"no matter how long you wait, the person you're waiting for will not be back again... forever... so stop wasting your time and wait for him to come back... cos he's gone... and will never come back..."

and this brings instant sadness to my heart...

does this apply to my friend as well?

hopefully no...