When You Have to Let Go...

Letting go of something you do not want to... how hard is it?

2 days is more than enough to build a strong bond with someone... in fact according to Chemistry (trying to apply what i studied though they have no relevance at all), a reactiong can occur in just few minutes time, which simply means a bond can be formed or broken in a few seconds... 

and tat was how a STRONG bond was created in just 2 days time... 

TRANSCOM... short form for Transportation & Communication unit (hopefully i am not wrong.. heheh). a unit full of fun, laughters, and LOVE. we were stationed at the airport and bus terminal to take students from these places to their respective colleges in UNIMAS (and also being a tour guide)

the 10 of us had went through many things together...
1. happiness of getting customers (students taking buses back to UNIMAS)
2. excitements when meeting international students
3. boredness of a half-day-wait and having not even a single "customer"
4. getting mosquitoes bites (love bites from mosquitoes) outside the airport
5. being treated with McD by Timbalan Naib Canselor
6. berporet (gossiping in Sarawak language)
7. being forgotten by the bus driver who was supposed to take us back to the airport from UNIMAS
8. joy of meeting new students, nervousness of being a 1st-time tour guide
9. bullying our KU (Ketua Unit)
10. being under hot sun and in cold airport environment
11. hungry cos we were always the forgotten ones... ppl forgot to send us meals! hehehe
12. and other things that i left out (it is alr 3.30am now on 1st Jan 2011, cannot expect me to lie wide awake and energetically after a one-week orientation)

and thanks to our sporting and kind-hearted KU, being in this TRANSCOM unit is of so MUCH fun!

a bit of our cute KU's biodata :

Name : Abang Aizat (FB name : Aixat Gomu Gomu)
Age : 2x years old
Course : Mechanical & Manufacturing Engineering
Origin : Pahang

Now, let us welcome *drum beats* our beloved KU!!!!      

when TNC treats McD

it is 4am in the morning of 1st january 2011.. i guess i will end my 1st post in 2011 here.. 

p/s : i have alot in my heart and mind but words just got stucked up in my head... =(

Happy New YEAR!!! ^^

 

     

Small Things...

sometimes, it is those small little deeds that make your day a sweet one...

the other day i was at the airport... Kuching International Airport, to be exact... my flight was supposed to be 9.35am and at 9.00am, i was still eating breakfast at McD. having mixed feeling about leaving Sarawak (part of me heavy-hearted to leave Sarawak, another half of me missed home so much), i forgot to take creamer for my coffee (McD breakfast set)

imagine you trying to drink the taste-less coffee when someone asked you "have you taken creamer? no right?"

next thing you know happening was 
1. packets of creamers on the table
2. that person even took the small spoon-thingy for the coffee
3. someone packing your coffee into the plastic bag, together with creamers, the small spoon and tissues

how frequent can you find such a caring guy? when normally it is girls who do such things...

i feel blessed having such fren with me... and i thank God for that...

McD yang dah tertumpah coffee... =P

 and to end this story, i finished up the coffee, without creamer (cos cold alr, creamer cant dissolve even if i put) and it still tasted sweet although without creamer & sugar... =)

is there still love in my heart?

i've overcome the emotional part, i've fight through the hardest time of it... so what's left?

sometimes i thought i've completely forgotten him, i've stopped thinking about him. but my brain tells me that's not the case, everytime i see him.

no way i could treat him just as a normal fren again. no wonder ppl say it is hard to stay as frens after break up.

just like any other girls... i, too, wish to have a loving, caring partner,.. someone who loves me and accept me for who i am and for everything that makes me MEI KIN.

and the sweetest thing of being in love... is not when you hug and kiss, but is when 2 hands are locked together, signifying that one is willing to hold another's hands till old, through hard times or bad times, no matter what happen in future...

  

whatever the outcome is... i did what i can, and i left everything else to God. if there's still chance for me to be in love again, God will surely open up my heart...

and if it's the opposite... then i wish never to fall in love with anyone again...

i wish i could experience the sweet feeling of being in love again... but sometimes things are not as easy as it seems to be... especially when you are traumatised and become phobia... just like me being afraid of deep water after nearly drowned once...

maybe someone can brainwash me? hehehe

LOVE... i wish i will meet you again someday... =)


 

     

To Follow My Heart or My Mind?

people always say don't judge a book by its cover. i never said that i do not believe this phrase, but then today, i was tested yet again...

when you see something that you've never seen before, what will you do? stunned. cool for few minutes. and smile an unbelievable smile. that was what i did.

i tried hard not to judge him based on his actions. my mind says he's doing something you hate the most! stop being with such person

while my heart shouts pity him... no one talks to him when he did it... maybe he's not that bad after all... sometimes peers influence, remember?

and then my memory brought me back to few incidents back... when i was in miri, where i hide cigarettes belonging to our tour guide cum fren. and few months back, when i saw my junior smoking at lakeview, he said sorry and asked me to pretend as if i din see anything... and more recently, few weeks back. a fren of mine smsed and say sorry to me for smoking and promised not to smoke anymore (he thought i saw him smoking, but he din realise that i din see ath that time)

best part is, i follow my heart most of the time... cause i love the way my heart feels for people... =)

      

Things I've Overlooked

9.55pm... i got an sms saying  

"sis, is it poss for u not going to sabah? mom n dad having cold war.. sien"
(sister, is it possible for you not to go to Sabah. Mom and dad having cold war. Boring)

imagine you trying to digest some very hard-to-digest facts and you received such sms...

i asked my sis wat happened, but she just said "nvm la... after ur exam oni tell u"

i couldnt focus on my readings after that... just reading through, not understanding even a single word... in my mind, i tell myself "faster finish reading this... faster finish exam... faster... faster... i need to go back..."

thinking back, i feel myself is such a selfish child. i've never thought of my mom's feelings. she had been encouraging me to go travel to sabah, but i took everything for granted. not listening to my sis's advice to accompany my mom more... i know she misses me, i know she wants to see me and be with me... yet, i ignored everything and follow my heart, enjoying my life as if i'll die tomorrow instead of accompanying my mom as if she'll leave me anytime...

"biasalah... hari tu mak pergi jamuan apa ntah... pastu balik lewat... ayah kunci pintu... mak bawa kunci tapi ayah kunci pintu gelas... kan pintu gelas tu takde kunci, hanya boleh buka dari dalam... so mak panggil ayah bukakan pintu ayah x buka kan... sampai pkul 12am baru ayah buka... pastu ayah pun bising2 cakap nak cerai lah... hati tawar lah... patut cerai awal2 lah..."

being a paranoid and imagines alot... my mind flood with images of my mom... my mom, like me, is very sensitive and cries very easily... though she's cheerful and always look happy, but she keeps everything in her heart, not letting us know... there's only once i heard her really crying... and that was when i was sleeping... she thought i was sleeping, trying to control her voice while telling my sis everything about her and dad quarelling... my mom was really crying hardly that night, on my sister's lap... and i can only pretend as if i am really asleep...

something is happening at home yet i was laughing and enjoying myself these few days... my mom is crying and suffering at home while i am here, laughing, going out, spending money, enjoying etc etc...

i've ignored my mom... completely... i've not called home eversince study week... 

WHAT KIND OF CHILD AM I????

and here i am, thinking of only my puppy love and feelings... bothering about tiny miny things when my mom is alone...

WHAT KIND OF CHILD AM I????

i've hurt my mom... i've ignored her... 

i'm sorry, mummy....        

   

When you miss home so much...

"best not to bother with imperfections and concentrate on the good things that makes u happy when wit the person ^^"
- Nenek BS-Jo- 

Simply love nenek bs jo... (dno why i need to put such a long name). she's always the spicy-mouthed jo, blurting out curses and scolding foul languages and the 4-lettered-word whenever i feel like saying it.. she knows me so well that she helped me to shout it out cos she knows i don't say such things... thanks my dear, love u! =) 

enuf of crapping around, let's get on to serious matters.. 

realised i miss home so much lately.. i miss my frens back in KL.. many things happened, many things in my mind, many things changed, many things that i want to run away from... this sem seems to pass by very quickly... i reli am not counting down (and i need not count down) the day i'll be going home cos all i need to do is just *blink*  

gaps after gaps, misunderstanding after misunderstanding...  

the word tired is no longer suitable... i need a long vacation, away from university, away from everyone, so that i can think properly and thoroughly what exactly i want, what am i supposed to do... i long for a long walk, preferably a long stroll along the beach... (being in a family where there's no family vacation like other kids, i grow up feeling curious and excited over new places that i've seen on tv. my short term dream is to travel around malaysia, after that i'll travel around the world... sadly, the person who promised to help me realise my dream can no longer do so... ah! forget it!) 

beach... don't know why i am so attracted to beaches though i can't swim, i can't dive, i can't do -whatever-people-do-with-the-sea. don't know, i just simply love the natural wind... it seems to blow away someone's troubles, sadness, anger... especially people like me, who is so sensitive and paranoid. =) 

one thing that i know... many things that i have to learn to let go... many things that i have to learn to control... meikin, you've grown up.. u can no longer do whatever you want without taking into consideration other people's feelings.. if you have to sacrifice something to make everyone happy, do it... you'll feel happier... always this same thing i tell myself...   

time passes by so quickly that i realised it has been VERY long since i had a real chat with you. that was during MAP, in Cempaka, at night... where i told you how i feel not being told about "that news".. and i still rmb u saying "i think i can feel how u feel, don't know why..." i wish you can feel what i feel now.. all of a sudden i feel so far away from you.. i no longer knows anything about you, i feel so helpless i cant help you despite all your inner suffer (feelings) that u have posted in ur blog.. sorry.. really sorry for not spending time talking to u.. 

and to my Organic Chemistry 2... sorry for not spending enough time with you.. or maybe i was not concentrating when dating with you.. serve me right if i have to date you again next year... really sorry.. 

As for the time being, to those special someone(s) who had reside in my heart for quite some time already... it's time to let go.. =)

how i wish everything is perfect, with no worries and problems.. but if life is like that, i am sure i will complain that life is boring!!! that's human, never appreciate what they have till it's gone..

And for now, can i have a BIG TIGHT hug? =D

 

 

Feelings...

when you are not talking about someone but they thought you are talking about them..
when your mind is thinking of other things and they thought you are thinking of ANOTHER thing..
when you have other things in mind, not like what they thought...

planned well to go out tomorrow... with cars rented, event in fb created... everything was fine...

i did not blame him for not going.. cos i know he has no money.. what i wanted was, he was the one who wanted to go for an outing, but at last he was the one who did not want to go out. a fren of mine, A, was eager to go out because of him. 

All i asked for was him to tell A that he's not going. that's all

but why make till putting the same statuses in fb, till have to make one fren say "takpe.. sy blh ikut jadi driver, tp sy x ikut aktiviti korang lah.. sbb sy xde duit.. jadi driver korang blh"

can u imagine wat's my feeling at tat moment seeing this??

my best fren saying this to me. i NEVER treat him as a driver!!! and i never want him to follow just as a driver! what makes till it comes to this level? a happy outing plan turned awful...

i dunno wat else i can write though my heart is awfully painful right now..

just want to SHOUT OUT LOUD...

CAN I???