I'm Sorry Mei Kin...

I'm sorry Mei Kin,
for not giving you the birthday that you deserved...
I should've stayed in KL and enjoy the peace of my birthday instead of worrying about things that people don't even want me to care about. Going back earlier because I am afraid they might need some last minute help on their biggest event of the year. But it seems to me that things are worst than I thought. Problems after problems uttered out once I touched down in Kuching. One after another which makes me feel more and more useless to help...

I'm sorry Mei Kin,
that I caused you to make the biggest mistake in your life : not calling your own mom on your birthday
Just because you were too busy worrying about that one event which people dont even care whether you existed or not.

For few months I cared for a junior like my own sister. Listening to her, motivating her again and again and again EVERYDAY for almost a year. Till I feel I have no more positiveness left in me to deal with my own problem of studies and others. Till I feel I have no one to talk to cause I've been bearing so much negativeness in me. Accumulating negativeness of myself and others in me, but still forced myself to blurt some motivations once and again.

But I reached my end-point. My limit. Yes. Like she said, everyone has her/his limit. Mine is after she did it. After all the care, all the positiveness I gave to her, all the motivations I gave, she still reached her limit and did the unbelievable. She went out at midnight, smoked more than 10 sticks of cigarettes, checked in a hotel and slept there for a night. The next morning she went to a waterfall and told me she doesnt even know where she is. What the -! That's when I reached my limit and decided not to care. When you give your all, sacrifices your own, with the hope that she will not do sth stupid out of her stress-ness, and she repay you with those deeds. No, I can't accept it. I can't accept that she chose to destroy herself instead of other ways to destress. Check in hotel, going to waterfront. YES, i can accept. But smoking! For someone who I've lectured about danger of smoking and warned her not to smoke. For someone who I've cared so much as to prevent her from smoking, she smoked. And she proudly told people that she doesnt feel she did ath wrong. And she is big and matured enough to decide what to do in her life. OK. SO GO ON WITH IT!

For someone who kept on thinking that she had the worst life ever even after all the motivations i gave her, I GIVE UP.

I am the baby of the family. I am the youngest of all, loved and spoilt by my mom and sis. I can be an elder sister to you, but not if you are behaving like a baby instead of a 22 years old. I can guide you, I can care or you and remind you to eat, but not 24/7. Don't expect me to remind you to eat all the time, everyday, 3 meals a day. And buy you meals everyday throughout the 7 days of event. Cos even my own sis did not do that.

You said you were matured enough. So why do you need someone to remind you to EAT EVERYDAY?

I'm tired lah... Seriously tired. So just don't blame me for what I am doing now. 

And STOP talking my twitter! You deactivated your twitter. Yet you activate it back once in a while to stalk MY twitter, and then BLOG it in your blog. Hoping me to read it? YES, i read it. But NO, I'm not tweeting ANYTHING that I read, cos I stalk quietly.

It's time to breathe and SMILE, meikin...

I'm sorry for a tough year, Mei Kin...

Last Day of 2013

Let's do this :

put down our pasts and don't open it, till it is needed.

Courage

I wish you would never have the courage to tell her that you love her...

And I wish I could continue to love you...

Humans are selfish, aren't we?

W.R.E.C.K.E.D

Finally i am back at blogspot, after so long... When i can no longer express in FB, Twitter or even WeChat timeline, i crawl back here, to my beloved blogspot. The best and safest place for me to blurt all out...

So many lives have been disturbed by me lately, till someone i love said "why u seems to have issues with everyone lately?" yeah... maybe it is ME who have issues with everyone... too bad, and i dragged ppl i loved into these bullshits issues...

Sometimes even if we do things out of love, even if we try to help sincerely, people will mistaken it as busybody rather than helping. just a slight divider to differentiate both these words, yet it can cause so much troubles to so many people.

GOD always has HIS way of testing us... Our emotions, of thoughts, our actions... 

I am sorry if i ever made any of you worry... 

Change

Read my bestfriend's blog, and it makes me realize many things had changed...

Things changed, and I changed. No good, no good...

I am truly sorry, my friend... I am sorry, R...

What Now?

we did not quarrel... we are not in love... 

but every little thing he did can easily make me feel better/worse...

cry/smile...

undeniable...

after 3 years, some things that we expect will change, did not change after all... 

feelings we thought are no longer there, actually still lingers around...

decisions we thought we are sure we will not make, all of a sudden become questionable...

how i wish i could forget him as easily as he forgets me...

that i could accept another guy and fall really really in love with someone just like he fell in love with other girls...

that i could forget about him, and accept the fact that everything about us are past, and no longer valid...

that everything remains memories, beautiful memories, nothing more than just memories...

how i wish...

i  told him that

the biggest regret in my life is not by accepting him in my life once before, but is to let go of him too easily...

the most stupid thing i ever did is not to still care and love him even when he no longer cares and loves me, but is to listen to him and agreed upon our break up...

all of a sudden i began to question my decision that day...

all of a sudden i began to feel stupid and regret...

all of a sudden i feel that it's no use crying anymore...

all of a sudden, i realised that i actually let go of him and i should continue doing so...

and i began thinking...

why am i doing things the way he asked me to?

why am i always listening to him?

why am i always following whatever he said?

he asked for break up. i agreed.

he asked me to move on. i did.

he asked me not to be with him again. i followed.

and now

he asked me to get on with my life, and i think i am doing it again...

so stupid to listen to him, yet so important he is to me that no matter how many times my head asked me to hold on and not give up, do not follow what he said...

my heart will always lose and said "just do it... if that's what makes him happy... if that's what he wants... if that is what i could do to lessen his problems, his headache, his burden...

i'll do just anything... as long as he is happy...

"Wanting someone happy is always more important than just wanting him"

i'll love you in my own way that you will not realize that i am still holding on...

be tough, ong foo kiat...

Drama - Cerita Dia

Sempurna...

Cerita yang tak sempurna

Apakah alasannya

Siapakah di hatinya...

Bahasaku...

Mungkin tidak seindah

Lafaz kata pujangga

Namun ku bersumpah...

Rela ku tunggu

Jawapanmu...

Masihkah aku ada

Di hatimu...saat ini

Biar tubuhku kan terpaku

Biar jasadku

Tak bernyawa lagi...

Sampai nanti...

Ooo...ooo..ooo

Rela ku tunggu

jawapanmu...

Masihkah aku ada

Di hatimu...Saat ini

Biar tubuhku kan terpaku

Biar jasadku...

Tak bernyawa lagi...

Saat ini..

Rela ku tunggu

jawapanmu...

Masihkah aku ada

Dihatimu...

saat ini….(3x)

Sumber : http://www.liriklagumuzika.com/2012/01/lirik-lagu-drama-cerita-dia.html#ixzz2JTz2Dg6j