Change

Read my bestfriend's blog, and it makes me realize many things had changed...

Things changed, and I changed. No good, no good...

I am truly sorry, my friend... I am sorry, R...

What Now?

we did not quarrel... we are not in love... 

but every little thing he did can easily make me feel better/worse...

cry/smile...

undeniable...

after 3 years, some things that we expect will change, did not change after all... 

feelings we thought are no longer there, actually still lingers around...

decisions we thought we are sure we will not make, all of a sudden become questionable...

how i wish i could forget him as easily as he forgets me...

that i could accept another guy and fall really really in love with someone just like he fell in love with other girls...

that i could forget about him, and accept the fact that everything about us are past, and no longer valid...

that everything remains memories, beautiful memories, nothing more than just memories...

how i wish...

i  told him that

the biggest regret in my life is not by accepting him in my life once before, but is to let go of him too easily...

the most stupid thing i ever did is not to still care and love him even when he no longer cares and loves me, but is to listen to him and agreed upon our break up...

all of a sudden i began to question my decision that day...

all of a sudden i began to feel stupid and regret...

all of a sudden i feel that it's no use crying anymore...

all of a sudden, i realised that i actually let go of him and i should continue doing so...

and i began thinking...

why am i doing things the way he asked me to?

why am i always listening to him?

why am i always following whatever he said?

he asked for break up. i agreed.

he asked me to move on. i did.

he asked me not to be with him again. i followed.

and now

he asked me to get on with my life, and i think i am doing it again...

so stupid to listen to him, yet so important he is to me that no matter how many times my head asked me to hold on and not give up, do not follow what he said...

my heart will always lose and said "just do it... if that's what makes him happy... if that's what he wants... if that is what i could do to lessen his problems, his headache, his burden...

i'll do just anything... as long as he is happy...

"Wanting someone happy is always more important than just wanting him"

i'll love you in my own way that you will not realize that i am still holding on...

be tough, ong foo kiat...

Drama - Cerita Dia

Sempurna...

Cerita yang tak sempurna

Apakah alasannya

Siapakah di hatinya...

Bahasaku...

Mungkin tidak seindah

Lafaz kata pujangga

Namun ku bersumpah...

Rela ku tunggu

Jawapanmu...

Masihkah aku ada

Di hatimu...saat ini

Biar tubuhku kan terpaku

Biar jasadku

Tak bernyawa lagi...

Sampai nanti...

Ooo...ooo..ooo

Rela ku tunggu

jawapanmu...

Masihkah aku ada

Di hatimu...Saat ini

Biar tubuhku kan terpaku

Biar jasadku...

Tak bernyawa lagi...

Saat ini..

Rela ku tunggu

jawapanmu...

Masihkah aku ada

Dihatimu...

saat ini….(3x)

Sumber : http://www.liriklagumuzika.com/2012/01/lirik-lagu-drama-cerita-dia.html#ixzz2JTz2Dg6j

UNPLANNED

Somehow it is funny how after 3 years, both of us appear to be still wearing the same shirts when we went out yesterday night for Twilight Saga : Breaking Dawn II

Me wearing the green shirt he gave me for my 17th birthday, and him wearing a jersey-typed shirt... It will be sweet if we were still together... IF... and only IF...

Lately thinking a lot about him... can't help, memories keep flowing in like faulty pipes... so are my tears...

I'm glad he carried on with his life, liking girls and all... though was a bit heavy-hearted leaving KL this time (cos i know once i'm back to kuching, everything will return to be like how it used to be for the last 2 years, with me and him not sms-ing each other, with own circles of friends), but who knows... GOD has other plans for us...

TAKE CARE of yourself, may GOD bless you with good health & good life...

IMY... ILY...

S.E.S.A.L

Manusia suka menyesal... 

masa ada something tu, mereka take for granted... apabila dah takde, barulah terhegeh-hegeh nak cari balik...

sedari lah betapa ayat2 mu ketika itu membuatku berendam air mata... betapa dalam parut itu...

i'm happy with my life now... thinking about few people i sort of ignored for few months : rafik, farid, salihin, mathew, raddy, ain, hajar...

maaf, mei2 terhidup dlm dunia sendiri seketika... huhuhu :((

Playground

If we are happy everyday and all the time, then that is not life...
life has its ups and downs... happy and sad...
that's God's way of teaching human, so that they will learn to be responsible, mature and grow


and again... i've learnt something new this time
it doesnt last forever like i wished, in fact few more months to one year
but i did learn something new here although me and him never declare having a serious relationship


it's just another illusion, another fairy tale story... 
love...
as pure as it is, as sweet as it is...
fails


i'll not find someone better
because i'll stop searching for it...
and i'll stop hoping in it :))

Kisah Sosej Rebus

Dulu time jadi JPK, saya ngan ammar, mathew, rafik, syakir... slalu je rebus sosej malam2 kat JPK A pastu makan ngan sos cili...


bkan je makan sosej... tpi karok, study sama2... uno same...


tapi lepas dah x jadi jpk, mmg dah x lepak... sosej pun dah x makan, apatah lagi maggi & telur dadar masakan syakir... =P


dan hari tu... 15 Jun... berpeluang makan sosej rebus skali lagi!!!


untung lah.. si Ammar merajuk aritu... so drive kereta membawa diri ke DI, then beli lah air & sosej... 


KLMJ... kenangan lama mengusik jiwa... bnyk yg diborak dgn ammar... tpi xde yang heavy2... 


sebab ammar masih spt yg sy kenal dia... dia suka pendam... kalau ada pape, dia simpan sorang2 x bgtau... unless dia nak bgtau, klau x mmg jgn harap awak nk tau...


don't worry ammar... i know you can... :)