WHY BAD THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME????? WHY????????????????????

i need positive things... i need happiness... i need smiles.... not anger, quarrels, shoutings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TIRED TIRED TIRED!!!!!!!!!

that day one of my best friend told another friend of mine

Mei Kin this type of THING i dun wan. leave to you

and i thought i have the right to be angry. right?

but i wasn't angry. to be exact, i was not angry, just *hurt*... *disappointed*... *sad*...

no... no anger...

and then i was telling this to my best friend in fb. normal lah. you sad of course you will find your best friend. of course you want people tam you. especially girls, right?

and there it starts. end up me and that 'watak lelaki utama' (the one who said the sentence that hurts me) quarrel.

HEY!!!!!!!!!!! come on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what i did wrong???????????

even if i AM wrong, i apologized already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and since when you see a victim apologizing?????

why i apologize? cos  when i relate the story to my best friend, i told her by using the name of that guy.

yalah! i know i am wrong... THAT'S WHY I APOLOGIZED!!!!!!!!!!!! even the fact is i am joking. the gal knows i am joking about i-am-angry-with-that-guy and i-dun-wan-to-see-that-guy-again stuff. cos she knows me well... she knows me and him very good fren, sure very fast nth wan

but how come that guy don't know!!!!!!!!! AH~~~~~~~~~~ angry angry angry~~~~~~~ frust frust frust~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and i don't think so i should be expecting any sorries or any conversation with him again....

haihhhhhhhxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

lose one more fren?

and today.... another balloon fly away from my hand.... =(
   

is it my unhappiness and bad luck has passed on to other people? 

or is it i am the first to kena, then followed by my friends... people around me who i loved?

1st, it was me who break up first... i started the chain... and then one by one of my fren broke up with their partner... and the most recent one, which i knew yesterday... involved someone i love so much... why is this happening?

hearing that news, i felt my heart breaking... maybe that person is too close to me, i love her too much... that's why the feeling is so intense. it felt like i broke up once again! -.-'''

but she assured me again and again... that it was her choice... and that's what she want, that's what she is willing to sacrifice for...

finish about love... next... friendship...

after my like-drama-plot friendship saga, i heard people around me facing the same problem as well...

did i start the curse? did i start the chain?

to that someone who i am so worry about these days...

can you please tell me what happen? can you please tell me what's going on, what's bothering you? did i do something wrong or something you are unhappy with?

if you answered "NO" to all of the above questions, i hope that you are not transferring your anger/disappointment on someone to me... cos we are two different person... please don't treat me as if i'm him/her... and please.... don't give me this feeling that you are one balloon that is flying away from my hand....

i really miss the Rafik that i used to know........

when will you be back, my friend?

and this brings me back to the older chapter of my life

"no matter how long you wait, the person you're waiting for will not be back again... forever... so stop wasting your time and wait for him to come back... cos he's gone... and will never come back..."

and this brings instant sadness to my heart...

does this apply to my friend as well?

hopefully no...
   

"kita sedang gaduh kah Rafik?"

i reli feel like asking him this question...

apa tidak... suddenly we are no longer in talking terms... it makes me feel scared... and wondering what wrong i did this time... maybe i am destined to have no friends? haha... very funny.....

haihz.... maybe i did too much bad things in my previous life that i have to repay it this life with all these?

hopefully everything will turn out ok soon.... =)
 

i dno why i am feeling this way when i see both of them sitting on the stairs, chatting together when i arrive this morning....

i dno why i am feeling this way when i see her reaction when i told her about it.....

i dno why i am feeling this way when i see him look at me....

what happen to my heart and my brain? i can't seem to process anything.... i feel my feelings and thoughts are getting more and more complicated.... what happened to me??

i just hope that feeling is not the feeling that i've been dreading upon.... please spare me from this feeling.... i am tired....

I DID NOT DO THAT!!!!

i hate those kind of ppl who do things last minute... and push things to ppl last minute to do... so why on earth am i one of them?

lately, i've been having some problem wit my coursemates... i can no longer call them frens... my fren, terri, was right... better to treat them just as coursemates, rather than friends... they said in uni u cant find true frens... i beg to differ. u CAN find true frens, but it's just that my coursemates now arent my true frens

if u ask me what's the reason of the strain relationship btwn me and my coursemates dis sem, sorry, i cant answer u. it's not cos it's P & C (private & confidential), it's just that i also dno whats d reason. 

when i asked dem, they said i'm thinking too much. when all d malays frens are asking me what's wrong with our gang, when all of them noticed sth's wrong, they said that i'm sensitive?


and when things start getting better, another tornado attacks...


i was in group A for inorganic lab... and when i see group B has oni 2 ppl, and cos i treat them as frens, i volunteered to join their group instead. and my move turned out to be wrong.


since i joined d group for lab, my frenship with all of them getting worse and worse...


one question...


we did d experiment on monday... my group member is supposed to do d calculation part, but out of pity, i volunteered to help her wit tat... 24 hours later, on tuesday, i told her i cant help her cos i hav many unfinished assignments... all of dem started their statistics tutorial (3 or 4 out of 5 questions alr) and i still haven even touch d paper. so i honestly told her i cant help her.


and turn out... she asked me next time dun tell her LAST MINUTE,,, d report is due next monday, wich has approximately 6 more days...


d question is.... am i wrong? i reli gave her d job last minute as she said?


i feel i'm not wrong... cos i told her d next day... and there's plenty of time for her to finish dem up


i'm open to opinions though....


and cos of this... one by one start posting ugly statuses... backstabbing me... tiu me... say hate me dis dat...


one by one.... one person post, settle, d next person post, settle, another person post, settle... and it continues.....


i'm tired with all these......... why problems after problems occur..... i feel like shouting them out...


when they left out one part of the lab report (they din do tat part though it was assigned to dem)... i din say ath, just go to d lecturer's office and filled up tat part ON THE SPOT. AFTER WE PASSED UP D REPORT. i tot this is wat we called LAST MINUTE?


and when they passed me a whole microsoft word (entire document) is copy paste material from internet... i did not even say out anything... i just shout in my heart, hit d table, and help dem edit... what make things worse is... both of them copy paste from the SAME website, thus i hav same isi for tat... did i say ath? did i backstab dem on fb? did i even say ath to dem? did i even ask dem redo? NO! and i was typing it like an essay - own isi, own words...


so what i get for return? what i get after being patient for so long and keep everything to myself, cos i dun wan backstab dem, i dun wan post dem on fb, i dun wan to even hurt dem...


so i deserve it? i deserve d posT? saying i go library everyday but cant manage to finish up my assignments, fb whole day in library? what she knows? did she ever use d google and try find d info i'm finding? mayb she just tembak and write whatever she saw without editing/reading d material... so she does not know d hardness of finding d info...


can i leave this place? full of horror? i dont know how long i can survive... 


god, please bless me with the patience and kindness to forgive them....


and Mei Kin shall forgive them all... cos they are her friends, although they might not treat her as one...


may god open up their hearts to be more mature... and neutralised their acidified mouth with the strongest alkali ever found... =)

things have not been very smooth lately... actually shud be dis sem.... quarrels quarrels quarrels and endless quarrels again.... then, just like small kids, cold war just because of i-also-don't-know-what-is-the-reason punya reason...

breathless.... that's all i can say...

i really miss my frens... true frens, not those who will stabbed ur backs behind you... writing how evil u r behind ur backs...

i had this fren who... i dno has what problem, but i suspected something, and i highly recommend her to go fro counselling sessions... she keeps on writing about how evil we are, how bad we treated her, we betrayed her, how uncomfortable and unhappy she is...

but on the other hand, in class, she was happily sitting together with us, pretending as if nothing happened, which makes me never suspect her of having any trouble with us... i thought she's just normal, and nothing is bothering her, mana tau suddenly heard from frens about whaat she posted on facebook...

i need someone to hear me out... to comfort me... to watch me from afar.... preventing me from falling... or to sms me to show at least someone cares for me?

haixxxx..... =(



 

i missed my own smile... someone... please help me!!!!!