"kita sedang gaduh kah Rafik?"

i reli feel like asking him this question...

apa tidak... suddenly we are no longer in talking terms... it makes me feel scared... and wondering what wrong i did this time... maybe i am destined to have no friends? haha... very funny.....

haihz.... maybe i did too much bad things in my previous life that i have to repay it this life with all these?

hopefully everything will turn out ok soon.... =)
 

i dno why i am feeling this way when i see both of them sitting on the stairs, chatting together when i arrive this morning....

i dno why i am feeling this way when i see her reaction when i told her about it.....

i dno why i am feeling this way when i see him look at me....

what happen to my heart and my brain? i can't seem to process anything.... i feel my feelings and thoughts are getting more and more complicated.... what happened to me??

i just hope that feeling is not the feeling that i've been dreading upon.... please spare me from this feeling.... i am tired....

I DID NOT DO THAT!!!!

i hate those kind of ppl who do things last minute... and push things to ppl last minute to do... so why on earth am i one of them?

lately, i've been having some problem wit my coursemates... i can no longer call them frens... my fren, terri, was right... better to treat them just as coursemates, rather than friends... they said in uni u cant find true frens... i beg to differ. u CAN find true frens, but it's just that my coursemates now arent my true frens

if u ask me what's the reason of the strain relationship btwn me and my coursemates dis sem, sorry, i cant answer u. it's not cos it's P & C (private & confidential), it's just that i also dno whats d reason. 

when i asked dem, they said i'm thinking too much. when all d malays frens are asking me what's wrong with our gang, when all of them noticed sth's wrong, they said that i'm sensitive?


and when things start getting better, another tornado attacks...


i was in group A for inorganic lab... and when i see group B has oni 2 ppl, and cos i treat them as frens, i volunteered to join their group instead. and my move turned out to be wrong.


since i joined d group for lab, my frenship with all of them getting worse and worse...


one question...


we did d experiment on monday... my group member is supposed to do d calculation part, but out of pity, i volunteered to help her wit tat... 24 hours later, on tuesday, i told her i cant help her cos i hav many unfinished assignments... all of dem started their statistics tutorial (3 or 4 out of 5 questions alr) and i still haven even touch d paper. so i honestly told her i cant help her.


and turn out... she asked me next time dun tell her LAST MINUTE,,, d report is due next monday, wich has approximately 6 more days...


d question is.... am i wrong? i reli gave her d job last minute as she said?


i feel i'm not wrong... cos i told her d next day... and there's plenty of time for her to finish dem up


i'm open to opinions though....


and cos of this... one by one start posting ugly statuses... backstabbing me... tiu me... say hate me dis dat...


one by one.... one person post, settle, d next person post, settle, another person post, settle... and it continues.....


i'm tired with all these......... why problems after problems occur..... i feel like shouting them out...


when they left out one part of the lab report (they din do tat part though it was assigned to dem)... i din say ath, just go to d lecturer's office and filled up tat part ON THE SPOT. AFTER WE PASSED UP D REPORT. i tot this is wat we called LAST MINUTE?


and when they passed me a whole microsoft word (entire document) is copy paste material from internet... i did not even say out anything... i just shout in my heart, hit d table, and help dem edit... what make things worse is... both of them copy paste from the SAME website, thus i hav same isi for tat... did i say ath? did i backstab dem on fb? did i even say ath to dem? did i even ask dem redo? NO! and i was typing it like an essay - own isi, own words...


so what i get for return? what i get after being patient for so long and keep everything to myself, cos i dun wan backstab dem, i dun wan post dem on fb, i dun wan to even hurt dem...


so i deserve it? i deserve d posT? saying i go library everyday but cant manage to finish up my assignments, fb whole day in library? what she knows? did she ever use d google and try find d info i'm finding? mayb she just tembak and write whatever she saw without editing/reading d material... so she does not know d hardness of finding d info...


can i leave this place? full of horror? i dont know how long i can survive... 


god, please bless me with the patience and kindness to forgive them....


and Mei Kin shall forgive them all... cos they are her friends, although they might not treat her as one...


may god open up their hearts to be more mature... and neutralised their acidified mouth with the strongest alkali ever found... =)

things have not been very smooth lately... actually shud be dis sem.... quarrels quarrels quarrels and endless quarrels again.... then, just like small kids, cold war just because of i-also-don't-know-what-is-the-reason punya reason...

breathless.... that's all i can say...

i really miss my frens... true frens, not those who will stabbed ur backs behind you... writing how evil u r behind ur backs...

i had this fren who... i dno has what problem, but i suspected something, and i highly recommend her to go fro counselling sessions... she keeps on writing about how evil we are, how bad we treated her, we betrayed her, how uncomfortable and unhappy she is...

but on the other hand, in class, she was happily sitting together with us, pretending as if nothing happened, which makes me never suspect her of having any trouble with us... i thought she's just normal, and nothing is bothering her, mana tau suddenly heard from frens about whaat she posted on facebook...

i need someone to hear me out... to comfort me... to watch me from afar.... preventing me from falling... or to sms me to show at least someone cares for me?

haixxxx..... =(



 

i missed my own smile... someone... please help me!!!!!

 

life has been pretty boring these few days... can't online, can't blog... just do lab reports - 3 lab reports per week... plus assignments, tutorials, projects.... ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when you were so busy with your life, other things seem so insignificant... 

now tat i've spent 5 hours in library today... and 8 hours  yesterday... i began to have this feeling of loneliness.... feeling of emptiness.... actually, no feeling at all...

confused? what i meant is... the feeling of falling in love.

what is love? how does it tastes like to fall in love with someone? to secretly admire someone? all these feelings had lost completely from my life... COMPLETELY. i have no memories or whatsoever of all these anymore...

alright.... so good thing or bad thing?

good thing in a way that i am free from another problem-causing thing.... and no need to worry when pimples grow, when i hav bad hair day or even hav vege stucked in between my teeth.

bad? in the sense that i missed one crucial part of teenage life...

and to make it worse.... i'm 19, turning 20.... I DUN WAN TO WASTE MY TEENAGE LIFE AWAY!!!! I WANT TO ENJOY TO THE MAX!!!!!!!!!!

on the brighter side, i might have to continue with this kind of life for i-don't-even-know-how-long... 


as a good student, not getting involve with these things is really ideal... but as someone who loves to have fun... life looks so boring and dull to me... =.='''

and how about this?

I MISS YOU!!! =)

i wish i could say this to someone... but who ?

so for all of you out there... who is secretly loving someone, enjoy this feeling... cos it's the best feeling in d world. haha! really... serious.... ^^

Love is in the air~~~

 

TO THOSE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO THINKS IT IS FUN TO MAKE OWN CONCLUSIONS AND ASSUMPTIONS BEFORE KNOWING THE TRUTH, PLEASE TAKE NOTE.

the other day i was chatting with someone and we came across this discussion regarding his so-called "brothers" going for an adventure. i asked why he did not join the adventure (it was to be on the next day of our conversation) and he told me that none of the "brothers" called and asked him about the adventure (as in whether he want to join them or not). 

you might ask me the same question i asked him : then how you know there's this outing when no one told you? 

ANSWER : cos one of the "brother" told him that he'll be going to this certain place with those "brothers" on the next day.

feeling that maybe he (the person i was sms-ing with at that time) might want to join his "brothers" and don't want to feel left out, i sms-ed some of these "brothers", asking for one of them punya number (as i assumed he's the organiser, of course u need to find the organiser if you want to be involved with sth, right?). 

and so how the story ended? it ended with NONE of the "brothers" replying me. and ME getting a scolding from this friend for trying to intervene with his business cos secretly asking for this "organiser's" number. 

somemore?

a bunch of nonsense on one of the social website. 

saying?

about me and that "organiser"

see the point?

they thought i was trying to get the number to get in touch with this guy cos i *like* him.

IS IT REALLY THAT FUN TO MAKE UP STORIES? WHY NOT BE DIRECTORS? BRAVO!!!!!!!!!! 

what do you think should be the moral of my story?

never be a good person / middle person trying to repair someone's friendship with the others.

-THE END-